Saturday, April 12, 2014

Spring Trip and Prom

spring trip and prom, spring

I've already managed to fall behind on the schedule I had planned for this week. I was going to be a good little blogger, but I took a nap, instead of writing this post, so I fell behind.
As you can probably tell from the title, this post shall be about the spring trip (for band) and prom. Depending on whether or not you believe the dictionary's definiton of "exciting", the trip and prom were both super "exciting".

Trip:
This trip was hella trippin, because we went to Colorado. We stayed in the hotel where I stayed when I moved to Colorado, when my father was still in the USAAF. My step grandmother also stayed there everytime she visited, and my mother, in an attempt to get rid of us, would leave us there overnight. My step grandmother did not mind. She would order us chocolate sundaes via room service for breakfast in order to get revenge on my mother. These fond memories were the root of my anger when Ken and Silas chose to slander my hotel.

First thing we did when we entered to room was hang up this sign.
sign, hotel, teenage girls, our room is better than your room

It reads: "Room of Champions; Our room is better than your room; Lauren B., Kelly L., Blair C., Sarah G.). It did get ripped, and I threatened death on many a passerby, but I later found out that it was William that caused the disruption.

On Thursday we preformed, then went to Denver to watch a hockey game. Not once have I ever given a shit about hockey, nor will I ever give a shit about hockey again, but that game had quite an impressive atmosphere. It took place at the Pepsi Center, which I forgot when I ordered a "Diet Coke" from some stand somewhere, and the guy corrected me and said "Diet Pepsi", which I thought was funny (depending on whether or not you believe the dictionary's definition of funny).
pepsi center, avalanche, hockey


On Friday we headed straight to Denver. That was the day that I found out that I suck at driving go carts. I crashed at the end of the track, and got marked. It was just a warning, but I told people I wasn't allowed back on in order to sound more badass. Kelly, Shane and I then decided to combine our tokens in order to get tons of tickets. I spent about five dollars on tokens, which I do not regret. We ended up with over 500 tickets which we wisely spent on disguises and samuri swords. I eventually got my sword taken away for the rest of the trip because I pretended it was a penis while pulling the sheath up and down and making faces.
boondocks, go carts, wrist band, mark
My mark

sword,sword penis, disguises, boondocks
Kelly and I with our prizes
(Please ignore my double chin)

 Then we went to sixteenth street mall and Kelly and I split from the group and headed to H&M. I ended up spending $100 there, but I bought a whole bunch of cute things so which I will be talking about in my "Things I Bought this Month" which I will link here once it is written. We also saw an elephant pipe, which was super cool. Unfortunately, while Kelly and I were pimping it up at H&M, Ken was puking his guts out, so that sucks (although I'm kind of glad I wan't there while this was happening). I did not see him until we got off the bus again after the symphony. The symphony was cool. They had a black singer while big hair and great ass. Her boobs were about to pop out of her dress though.
symphony
Me and Blair at the symphony

 Also there was a bear who humped a building, that was cool.
bear, hump, building, bear humping a building


On Saturday we headed home. I spent most of the time on the bus listening to Van Halen and staring into space. This picture was taken on Wednesday, but it needed to be added because it illustrates both bus rides.
sleeping, snapchat, sleeping snap
Taken by Kelly L.


Prom:
I got ready for prom super fast, and it was super impressive. We went to the Melting Pot, Albuquerque's most expensive resteraunt and then went to prom. That was basically the experience.
prom picture, group
From left to right: Ken, me, Blair, Silas, Kelly, Linnea, AJ

prom picture

-laurenthesecretagenthedgehog


Sunday, March 30, 2014

Kelly and Lauren's Excellent Adventure

lauren the secret agent hedgehog Kelly and Lauren's excellent adventure

What a terrible blogger I am!! Not posting for so long!! I must be driving my "readers" insane!! The main reason I have not blogged is the fact that nothing very interesting has been happening. Fortunately, these next few weeks are going to be crazy!! I have the band spring trip, prom and because March is coming to a close, expect a "March Obsessions" post coming up as well. 

AND NOW FOR THE FEATURE PRESENTATION:

Friday, March 28, 2014
Approx. 7:00 p.m. MST

WARNING: For dramatic effect, Lauren will refer to herself in the third person during this section of the blog post.

Kelly and Lauren are bored as fuck. They are in the mood to do something stupid. What better way to satisfy their thirst for danger than exploring the drainage tunnels near Lauren's house. Unfortunately, there was exactly no chance of rain, so the risk of death was very low. 

They walked up to the street drain, and peered inside. 
"You go first" Kelly says, sounding frightened.
"Pussy" says Lauren, already climbing in. Her giant tits get stuck for a moment, but she eventually is able to wriggle her way through. Kelly comes next and also hits a snag on her belt, but also makes her way down.

After entering the drain, they discover a tunnel. 
"You go first" Kelly says, sounding frightened.
"Pussy" says Lauren, already crawling down the tunnel. 
At the end of the tunnel is an arroyo...and another tunnel.

Kelly and Lauren go down the tunnel first.
"You go first" Kelly says, sounding frightened.
"Pussy" says Lauren, already making her way down the second tunnel. The tunnel ends and another begins.

"You go" Kelly says, sounding frightened.
"Pussy" says Lauren, already down the tunnel. At the end of the tunnel is a grate, and the light of day is visible from above. Lauren wonders where they are. A car whooshes by above the grate.
"Yep, we're under S****" Lauren says calmly, making her way back down the tunnel. They turn around and exit the tunnel, and plan to hike across the arroyo in search of another tunnel that will take them to the park (they have a see-saw at that park). On the way to the see-saw, Lauren and Kelly made two fascinating discoveries:

art graffitti so true fuck school

Lauren found this interesting because she has this thought every day, but is never able to put it into to words the way the artist  does here(TLSCBM, I believe, is the tag). They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but Lauren thinks you only need two in order to discover the true meaning of this work. She thinks it deserves a place in Le Louvre.

underwear nature
Photo by Kelly L.
Lauren found this interesting, because it is a pair mens' underwear in an arroyo.

Kelly and Lauren made their way to the tunnel that would lead to the see-saw.

tunnel photography graffitti
Photo by Kelly L.

"You go first" said Kelly, sounding frightened.
"Pussy" said Lauren, already half-way down the tunnel.
tunnel satan
Photo by Kelly L.
The flash did not do that to my eyes.
They are like that naturally, because
I am Satan.
They, finally found their way to the see-saw after about two hours. The see-saw was fun for about five minutes before they decided to call Ken for a ride, who then called Silas, who picked them up. They tricked Silas into believing they had met a murderous hobo in the tunnels. To this day, (although at this point this day is still two days after this happened), Silas believes that Kelly and Lauren met a murderous hobo in the tunnels, but in reality, they just discovered themselves (deep right?).

END OF THIRD PERSON TEXT.

Saturday, March 29, 2014
Approx. 12:00 pm MST

Guess what next weekend is.
If you guessed "prom", then you are correct.
Guess what Kelly and I shopped for yesterday.
If you guessed "prom dresses,you are incrorect. We shopped for prom dresses and funny pants.

You see, Kelly and I have a tradition, known to only us as the PSTSS (Pre-Spring Trip* Shopping Spree), and we decided to combine this with our "I NEED A DRESS ASAP" shopping.

First we decided to hit the prom dresses, since they are more expensive. I did not get a picture of Kelly's, but here's mine:

prom dress lauren blue long
Taken in my bathroom
...and here's the kicker: the original price of that dress was $90. I got it down to FORTY-FIVE fucking DOLLARS at Macy's, along with a whole bunch of free stuff including this package from Clinique:

clinique lipstick foundation primer free stuff
Primer, foundation and lipstick.

The only thing in there for long term use is the lipstick, which I did a swatch of:
Clinique butter shine lipstick 37 pink a boo
Clinique; Butter Shine Lipstick; #37 pink-a-boo
Kelly's dress was $200 dollars at Dillards. I made sure to proclaim the price of my dress loudly in the middle of the dressing room. I did get some dirty looks. Speaking of Dillards. I make it a requirement to go to the bathroom on each visit. They call the restrooms the "men's lounge and women's lounge". It is the best restroom I have ever been in, and if I were a bathroom critic**, I would seriously recommend it.
seating area in dillards bathroom
This is the sitting area of the restroom.

weird green stuff in Dillard's bathroom. fancy restroom. womens lounge
It also had a bowl of stuff, we aren't sure what it is.


After our prom situation was situated. We began spring trip shopping. The first item on the list was weird pants.

weird pants coronado mall jc pennies funny leggings

These are the ones we selected. Kelly got hers in leapoard print though, not the one's she is wearing above;.

I also got sunglasses (another PSTSS tradition). My mother says that the first pair was "70's" and the other was "80's".

 After shopping we went to Chiles and then I went home, and for the rest of the day I played Minecraft while listening to Disco music and eating icecream. An unclimatic way to end a very long day.

-laurenthesecretagenthedgehog

*For band
**post idea? (I could go into various public bathrooms and rate them)



Sunday, March 2, 2014

February Obsessions

February Obsessions. Flappy Bird, E.L.F., Supernatural, Minecraft, Kraft Mac n' Cheese, Lauren the secret agent hedgehog


1. Minecraft
My ten-year-old brother has been playing Minecraft for an extremely long time, and recently, I have chosen to give it a try. It's a stupid, pointless, endless game, and I cannot get enough of it. I don't even know what the point of it is, but I continue to play...for hours. I do not believe that this game is a healthy obsession, but I also do not believe that I care.
Minecraft logo, Lauren the Secret Agent Hedgheog, February


2. Supernatural
This show was recommended by a friend, and I was very pleased with what I saw. Hello Dean Winchester. I blew through this show within a week and a half, and have now gone on to reading the fan fiction. I'm not even ashamed. Plus, Castiel is super adorable so I always look forward to seeing him.
Supernatural, Lauren the secret Agent Hedgehog, February

3. Kraft Mac and cheese
I started obsessing over this when I made it at Ken's house during some fifth period, some day this month, and I could taste the nostalgia. We haven't gone out on a fifth period since, we've just made macaroni. I add salt and pepper for a little extra touch, even though it is still salty as hell without it, but once again, I do not believe I care.
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, Lauren the secret agent Hedgehog, February


4. E.L.F.
How do people survive without this shit? I breathe E.L.F. The products are great and you get them for prices that feel free. Seriously, I love my concealer to bits, and guess the price of it. One dollar. One fucking dollar for great coverage. Their palettes are also to die for, and don't get me started on the primer.

5. Flappy Bird
Thanks Satan. I was an early one to get dragged into this hole of despair, and I have not come out. My high score is only 32, but I keep going. Like Minecraft, it is a stupid, endless game and I cannot get enough of it. I just continue to play. Fortunately, I have been wise enough to not download any more of these Hell games (e.g. Iron Pants, Splashy Fish)

-laurenthesecretagenthedgehog

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

#SatanInvented

Satan Invented hashtag. Use it on twitter. Lauren the secret Agent Hedgehog


I've been a bad, bad blogger these past two months and I will try to make up for it, I will. Please accept my apology and listen to what I have to say.

A couple days ago, I thought of an excellent hashtag: #sataninvented.

 I was trying to get it to trend, but it didn't. I had already tweeted nine times, and I didn't want to lose the few followers I already had, so I decided to make a list of a ton of stuff I think Satan invented, which I will be sharing with you during this long overdue blog post. Although I have given up my crusade, feel free to send me one of your own #sataninvented tweets to @LaurenHedgehog. It's a good idea...think about it. Here's another good idea: follow me on Twitter. My Tweets are hilarious. 
Nike thinks you should follow laurenhedgehog on twitter, and use the hashtag #SatanInvented
Even Nike thinks you should follow
me and use my hashtag. Just Do It.













Thank you Satan for...

#SatanInvented:

1. Hell
2. EHS Speed Bumps
3. Locks
4. Hiccups
5. Standardized Tests
6. French class
7. EHS wifi
8. Broccoli
9. Marching band
10. Clarinet players
11. Cats
12. Gingers
13. The Chinese
14. Medicine Ads
15. Brain freezes
16. WebMD
17. Periods
18. Pants
19. Fat
20. Leg Hair
21. Pubic Hair
22.  Flappy Bird (Courtesy of Shane Corwin)
23. Daleks
24. Wal-Mart
25. Energy Drinks
26. Hemorrhoids
27. Gonorrhea 
28. Chlamydia
29. Diarrhea
30. The spellings of inventions 26-29.
31. Leprechauns
32. Lepers
33. Jersey Shore
34. Facebook
35. Men (Since I am still in high school, I mean boys)
36. America
37. Humans
38. The SAT
39. Kelly Lizewski
40. Snap chat
41. Algebra
42. PMS (this one even stands for...PREPARE to MEET SATAN)
43. AIDS (AFTER I DID SATAN) I got this disease.
44. Cacti 
45. Band Directors
46. Crocs
47. Children
48. Texas
49. Las Cruses
50. Trucks with testes (Although I would totally get these, because my small-ish stature would make for               comedic effect.

Other Satanic inventions courtesy of Kelly Lizewski:
(51.) goat heads 
(52.) APS
Fifty is a good stopping place, although I'm pretty sure Satan invented much more. I could have gone a lot farther, but I'm pretty sure I already crossed a line with invention 13. As previously mentioned, if you think of more, tweet it with the hashtag #SatanInvented to @LaurenHedgehog. You won't get anything, you'll just be super awesome.

-laurenthesecretagenthedghog



 
  




Saturday, January 4, 2014

Insta-mousse



instant chocolate mousse recipe. Chocolate mousse. Insta-mousse.

 As the holiday season draws to a close, I would like to share a recipe that I came up with that you can share with your family. I call it insta-mousse (instant chocolate mousse). It is really great for kids who can also get in on the action while preparing this insta-worthy, insta-classic recipe. It's also super healthy, unless you follow the definition of healthy. It is also super American because if follows the American "F's": fast, fattening and fucking awesome.

DISCLAIMER: Although you may believe otherwise, due to the sheer awesomeness of this recipe, I am not a chef, and I do not know anything about preparing food, but I do believe this is pretty good for someone with nothing in their fridge and no cooking experience.

Here is the official, and correct way of making insta-mousse.

1. Gather your ingredients.


  • Cool whip
  • Chocolate Syrup


cool whip.


Chocolate Syrup. Hershey's. Lauren


Also grab other supplies during this step: A spoon and a small bowl.

Ingredients. Chocolate Mousse. Cool whip. Chocolate Syrup. Spoon. Bowl.


Now that everything is ready to go, we can begin mousse.

2. Start the mousse off by adding a spoonful of cool whip to the small bowl.
Cool Whip. Chocolate Mousse. Lauren.

3. Then add a chocolate syrup. I like to go for an amount I think no sane human would go for.
Cool Whip. Chocolate Syrup. Lauren.
This is not enough, because I'm "sane" and I went for it, so you'll need more.

4. Mix
Mixing it up. Chocolate Mousse. Lauren.

5. Enjoy
Completed. Chocolate Mousse. Recipe.

As I said before, this is a great recipe for the holidays. If you like cool whip, and you like chocolate syrup, then this is the recipe for you.

-laurenthesecretagenthedgehog








Sunday, December 15, 2013

Surviving Finals


As we enter the brink of finals week, I would like to share with you my tips on getting through finals week.

1. Sleep

Sleep could be used as a rationalization technique, but is still super important. Sleep deprivation is not going to help you when you are taking the test. Studying after midnight is pointless. You know how much you will learn? Maybe 10%. Is it worth it? No.
How to survive finals. Sleep. Sleep deprivation. Exam.

2. Start studying the weekend before.

For the more pesky tests, start studying early. You won't have time to cram for the ones with tons of material. I am being rather hypocritical though, because I have not studied a lick of material all weekend, but just because I don't doesn't mean you shouldn't. If we were talking about heroin it would be a different story.
Finals weekend. Study? No. Watch avatar? Yes please.

3. After Monday, study for the final that is coming the next day.

Once the weekend is over, you will just have to review each final the night before. For example: My school's first final is fifth period on Tuesday, so the night before you should study material for fifth period. Don't forget tip #1 though. Hopefully you have a study period before as well, because then you can ask you teacher questions on material you didn't understand the night before.
Pie chart. Finals. Broken promises.

4. If the final is open book, don't even try.

If your test is open book, focus on other finals. If there is something you don't understand in that class, figure it out during the study period. If your  teacher made it open book, then they want to give you a break. Take it. If the test is open note, make a very organized book of notes that will destroy that final. Last year, I named my final Chemistry notes "The Ultimate Book of Chemistry Notes that will Help Me Ace this Final as Easily as Walter White Would".  I got a 'C' on it.
Open book. Study. Meme. Finals.

5. Don't study stuff you already know.

I have trouble with this one personally. I always want to start studying on things I know, and then I feel like I have everything down and I'm going to rock that mother f****** final, but then I get to the stuff I don't know, and I procrastinate. "This is a good time to take a break" I say, " I should go to bed." , "I'll just watch one episode of Doctor Who.", and in the end, I don't get to any of the stuff I don't know, and I do poorly on the test.
quote. Steve Ferrante. Finals. Stuff you already know. I know. Right?

6. Chill out.

If you go into a test thinking "Oh God, I'm going to fail this." , then guess what. You are going to fail. Make sure you are relaxed when taking the test and remember that it is just a test. When you are an adult, are you going to care that you failed that one final in high school, and that you got that one 'B'? No you won't, you'll be concerned with a whole different set of problems that won't matter five years later. It's just a test.
UK, finals, relax, slogan. Keep calm and carry on.

7. May the Curve be Ever in your Favor.

The holy curve saved my ass in physics, and it will save my ass in other classes as well. In APUSH, pray that Krista Polansky is having a bad day. In English, pray that Krista Polansky is having a bad day, and in French, pray that Krista Polansky is having a bad day. No matter who your school's Krista Polansky is, pray that they are having a bad day, or get a hold of their test and change their answers...or just copy their answers...whatever works.
Finals. Hunger games. Happy exams. May the curve be ever in your favor. Curve. Krista Polansky.

-laurenthesecretagenthedgehog

Sunday, December 1, 2013

November Obsessions

November

        I've decided to try and do one of these monthly obsession posts monthly. I did miss October, but you can visit my September Favorites if you click on this link: http://goo.gl/8Vl9lX. Did you check it out? Excellent. Let's continue.
        This post is going to make me seem like a total hipster, because all of these things (except No. 5) are totally hipster, but these are my honest obsessions of November 2013.

1. Doctor Who
If you scroll down one post, you will find my post on Doctor Who. All Whovians all over the world were particularly thrilled this month because of the Fiftieth Anniversary Special. Most Whovians, such as myself, have been waiting six long months since "The Name of the Doctor" for this legendary television event, and were not disappointed.
Doctor Who's Fiftieth Anniversary


2. Tumblr
I've had a Tumblr for quite a while now, but this month I have been spending an unhealthy amount of time on it. I don't know how the time passes. I feel like five minutes have gone by when it is really five hours. Tumblr cannot possibly be good for my health, so naturally I love it. Click the Tumblr logo below to visit my Tumblr.

Tumblr Logo

3. Indie Movies
Netflix is another unhealthy obsession of mine. This month I have been gravitating towards the indie movies section. One of my favorites is Crystal Fairy which is about an American in travelling in Chile who meets a girl and together they look for a drug cactus. It is quite inspiring. It has Michael Cera in it. Another one is Submarine which is about a Welsh teenager who is sort of an idiot.

Crystal Fairy and Submarine



4. Sherlock 
I started watching Sherlock because many people who like Doctor Who like Sherlock. Sherlock and Doctor Who are written by the same guy, so I figured I would give it a spin. Now I'm obsessed. I don't know what to do with my life until January 19th, when it airs in the US. Stupid America. The way they do this TV series is also awesome. Each season has three movie-length episodes. Fortunately I chose to watch Sherlock now as opposed to when it started. I could have been waiting two years instead of two months.  I now plan on actually reading the Sherlock Holmes books.

Sherlock, Benedict Cumberbatch


5. Chili Cheese Fries
I don't know if you can tell by my previously listed obsessions, but my eyes are not always glued to a screen. I have acquaintances who tolerate me, and bring me along on fast food runs. Lately, if somewhere has chili cheese fries, I'm going to fucking order chili cheese fries (lets just call them CCF from this point on). My favorite CCF of the month were from Freddys. I had them right before a very nerve rattling clarinet audition. A smart move on my part? No. Was it worth it? Maybe.

Chili Cheese Fries


    If you think I'm awesome, meaning if you're human, follow me on Bloglovin' here: https://www.bloglovin.com/laurenhedgehog. Have a nice day!! Just kidding tomorrow's Monday...you won't have a nice day.

#NovemberObsessions

-laurenthesecretagenthedgehog